For part iii, I will talk about how every month came with its own set of challenges:
Staying at a 月子中心 postpartum center;
Cluster feeding and growth spurts;
Lyor’s digestive system maturing;
Sleep fighting and sleep regression;
Breastfeeding hiatus;
Teething and eating solids;
Lyor getting active and moving around;
Taking care of Lyor without outside help.
For most of these milestones that Lyor goes through, it’s common for all babies but the degree of discomfort is different, and I think there aren’t any solutions that 100% make things a lot easier for either the baby or the parents. Just know that these things happen, it’s a struggle, and it’s ok if at times you feel miserable…
1. What I liked and didn’t like about staying at a 月子中心 postpartum center 🏩
After I gave birth and was able to walk by myself again, I moved from Dianthus clinic to Cathay’s 國泰 月子中心 postpartum center. I chose this 月子中心 postpartum center because they only accept 10 guests at a time, which means the nurses aren’t spread too thin between how many babies they have to take care of. Since Cathay also has a hospital:
All the nurses are accredited;
They have their own pediatricians, OBGYN doctors, and Chinese medicine doctors who do weekly checkups with me;
I liked that the food was diverse and that they have customized meal plans for each mother.
I stayed there for 3 weeks and it was especially helpful since we didn’t have outside help at home. I was able to get some rest / sleep as well as get all the nutrition I needed from their in-house chefs. I could also take my time getting used to taking care of a newborn. Most places are really strict about guests, and at the one I stayed at, only Jack was allowed to hold Lyor and come into my room; everyone else had to look at him through a window. This was good in some ways because babies are much more sensitive to germs, but it was also annoying that family members and close friends couldn’t hold Lyor whenever they came to visit1.
If I had another baby, I would probably stay at one again, and likely this same one, but next time, I’ll cut it shorter. I was definitely ready to leave by the third week, and Lyor was basically in my room all the time by then because I could feed him more naturally2.
2. Babies accelerate their growth during cluster feedings 🍽️
There have been a few times when Lyor ate much more frequently because he was likely experiencing a growth spurt3. They call this eating style “cluster feeding” and it usually lasts a few days, and oftentimes pairs with the milestones they are hitting. Each baby experiences it at different times and with Lyor, he had it many times, including right after birth, after his second week, around his 1 month, and many, many more.
As if everything wasn’t already hard enough at the beginning, there’s also crazy curveball feeding frenzy. While I was breastfeeding, Lyor was eating every 2-3 hours, but cluster feeding is when he’s eating every 1-2 hours 😵💫
I included a chart below for more of a visual representation, where you can see that on a cluster feeding day (6/26 in red), I breastfed for a total of 156 hours across 10 different hour slots, compared to a regular feeding day, only a week apart (7/2 in green), where I breastfed for 80 hours across 7 different hour slots »
These were some of the hardest periods in the first few months. There’s really nothing that prepares you for these few days of constant feeding and not being able to do anything else. I tried to feed Lyor as much as possible but gave up many times to use formula because it’s too demanding.
3. Babies aren’t born knowing how to poop and release gas 💨
Many of the challenges that Jack and I went through was because Lyor had to go through a lot of suffering himself.
For example, when a baby is born, their anuses are loose, which makes it easy for them to poop, and as parents we only have to teach them how to burp to release gas. However, after a month or so, their anuses become tight, like how it is for the rest of us, which means they need to learn to push out the poop and fart by themselves.
If you can try to imagine this from a baby’s POV, it must be a really difficult thing to learn. If they can’t push it out, it’s like being constipated, and they get gassy and are in pain. It was so hard trying to teach Lyor how to release gas:
Moving his legs like on a bicycle;
Bending his legs into an Asian squatting position;
Massaging his belly;
Burping him repeatedly;
Adjusting my food intake because some foods passing through my breast milk, like broccoli, are harder to digest;
Changing his formula4. Nothing really worked that well; we just had to go through this challenging period together.
4. Once Lyor could see better, he didn’t want to sleep anymore 🥱
Babies don’t need to see in the womb, so when they’re born, their eyes aren’t very developed. They seem to only be able to see high-contrast things, which is why a lot of newborn books and toys are black-and-white or have simple, bright colors and shapes.
By the 3rd month, their eyes start to get much better, and they can start to recognize some faces and see more of the world. Our world is very visually stimulating, so this must be an exciting time for babies. However, we noticed Lyor would start sleep-fighting just so he could continue to explore the world. Whenever we would try to help him nap or sleep at night, he started getting really fussy and would kick and punch the air or shake his head to keep himself awake. If he stays up too long, he also gets too tired and too fussy to fall asleep. Pretty much a lose-lose situation for us during this period.
Sleep works differently for babies vs for adults. When we stay up, we get more and more tired, and eventually we can fall asleep pretty easily and have deep sleep. When babies stay up, they get more and more restless, and it becomes very difficult for them to fall asleep quickly or deeply. That’s why it’s important to help them sleep regularly so they (and the parents!) don’t struggle for the rest of the day.
Lyor is sensitive to light and sound, so his bedroom has to be really dark and quiet. We bought a portable dimming lamp which helped a lot in the first few months. It’s common for a lot of parents to experience the “witching hour” between 10pm to 2am where babies just don’t sleep. Jack and I theorize that when I was pregnant, during the day I’m walking around, which is like a rocking motion for Lyor and keeps him asleep, but when I sleep at night, I’m not moving so it’s a good time for him to move around in my belly.
Babies will also go through a few sleep regression periods in the first 2 years of their lives where they have shorter naps or become fussier around sleeping. There’s no definitive research done on why this happens, but similar to cluster feeding, it likely aligns with babies hitting their milestones.
5. Jack and I took a trip abroad and it affected my breast milk 📉
One of my closest college girlfriends was getting married in the US, and it also happened to be our college 10-year reunion, so I was determined to go see them. We decided against taking Lyor because it would be too difficult to manage everything by ourselves, and he was still at an early age where he wouldn’t feel too much separation anxiety. The 10-day trip was pretty relaxing for us but it also negatively impacted my breast milk.
Although I pumped while I was there and had left frozen breast milk with my parents, who were taking care of Lyor, I learned that my body will only naturally generate more milk when Lyor is actually drinking directly from me. It’s quite fascinating to learn how my body will create the perfect amount of milk that Lyor needs as he grows. Our bodies are (un)surprisingly the perfect machines, and even if my breasts don’t feel super full, once Lyor is feeding from me, they will start to generate milk on demand5 for as much as he needs to eat in that sitting. Milkonomics!
Once I got back from the trip, I was again stressed and tired, and Lyor had grown bigger, so unfortunately, I wasn’t able to generate enough milk to keep up with his growth ever since. That’s a big reason why I decided to stop breastfeeding a few months later because no matter how much I ate or drank, the break put me back and I couldn’t catch up. No regrets though; I had a great trip ~
6. Lyor growing teeth is a long and painful process for all of us 🦷
One of the longer challenges we experienced was when Lyor was growing out his teeth. It’s painful and sore for them because their gums are being punctured for the first time, and the teeth grow out one by one, and every time a new tooth grows out, they go through the same pain again. The worst part is that this affects their sleep and disrupts their usual routines, and we have to comfort Lyor when he feels too much discomfort while he’s asleep.
We feel so bad for him! I think every baby experiences different degrees of pain but it was really bad for Lyor. We bought a number of teething toys, and some were better while others that were recommended weren’t as helpful as they were for other babies.
I guess the positive side of growing teeth is that Lyor can eat more solids. Thankfully for us, he’s a foodie (like me and Jack) and he loves to eat. We started by doing a mix of food we actually eat and food that we mash up for him; that way he can get used to using his teeth (and it helps with the teething pain) but still get food in his belly through the mash as it’s much safer and easier for him to swallow.
7. When Lyor got more active, we also needed to get very active 😮💨
Before Lyor could walk, he had already reached over 10kg (~22 pounds), which meant we still needed to carry him around when he wanted to explore or see new things. This was very challenging for me to do constantly every day, and everyone who helps out to take care of him, from me to Jack to our parents, all got sore arms after a while. This prompted me to find a personal trainer because I really needed to get strong to be able to support him before he could move around more independently6.
When he started crawling pretty fast, we needed to be close to him or have eyes on him in case he tried to grab or chew something potentially dangerous. When he started pulling himself up on furniture and walls, we got him a helmet because he had a few falls7. I’m also starting to run more regularly because when he’s able to walk and start running around, I’m going to have my work cut out for me…
8. Learning how to take care of Lyor by ourselves 😵
Jack and I got differing advice about finding outside help after leaving the 月子中心 postpartum care center. We’ve heard many horror stories about bad helpers and 月嫂 nannies from local friends in Taiwan, but one friend did mention it was helpful to have someone experienced at home when taking care of a newborn for the first time.
We decided not to get outside help and rely on my mom and Jack’s mom occasionally for support8. We got a Dreame robot vacuum that can also mop the floors, which is very helpful because it’s hard to find time to do all the house chores manually while full-time caring for a baby.
We also built our own tracking doc on Google Sheets. There are a lot of apps out there, but they mostly focus on the baby, and we needed to be able to track things for myself, like how much water I was drinking, so we built our own sheet for more customization.
Jack and I also started seeing a couple’s counselor, which is something I feel like we should have been doing earlier. It really helps with communicating when we’re both lacking sleep and are constantly exhausted9.
Overall, it’s definitely very tiring to take care of an infant without outside help. It’s a 24/7 kind of role and in a traditional culture like Taiwan, mothers are expected to do it all by themselves. I’ve heard from a few women that they prefer working over taking care of their kids for this very reason. I’m lucky Jack is so involved, and we’re at the point now where he can work on his projects every morning and I can care for Lyor by myself. I’m glad that we were able to power through the first 6 months because a huge plus of Lyor getting older is that he gets cuter and can interact and engage with us more!
Thanks for reading part (iii) and if it sounds like a lot, it’s because it is. Every new parent goes through some very challenging moments, so make sure you give yourself some mental breaks as a new parent or have some empathy towards new parents around you.
Check out the next part for some additional breastfeeding info and learnings » part (iv)
We used the excuse of Lyor having to go for a checkup and took him to my parents’ a few times.
Most 月子中心 postpartum centers follow an SOP for when they feed, bathe, and change their diapers, which is understandable because they are caring for many babies at once, but I found it to be too process-driven rather than what’s natural for the babies.
There’s no definitive research on the correlation between cluster feeding and growth spurts.
We changed from the Abbott’s Similac formula, which we got from the maternity clinic 禾馨 Dianthus, to Wyeth’s Illuma formula. Buying formula in Taiwan is not as easy as it should be, which I share more about in part (iv)
It helps when my body is physically relaxed, rather than tense, for the milk to flow easily.
I found a really good personal trainer at Youth Gym in Songshan District and I like this place because it also has a pool (which gets heated in the winter). However, it’s another unexpected expense that I found to be necessary on top of all the other expenses.
Lyor doesn’t really get very hurt when he fell but the shock of falling really scared and upset him.
We live walking distance from my parents which really helps, and not just for practical reasons; knowing my mom is around if I need the help is a big stress reliever. I have a few foreigner girlfriends who gave birth in Taiwan and it was so stressful for them not having close family here. They ended up moving away from Taiwan soon after giving birth to be closer to family and it significantly improved their mental health and overall lives.
I wish we had started seeing a couple’s counselor sooner, even when we were just dating (but serious about the long-term). As new parents especially, when we’re both sleep-deprived and exhausted, it’s too easy to say the wrong things or take things the wrong way, and having an impartial third-party is really helpful to see the other person’s perspective more easily. If you want to be connected with ours (and can speak Mandarin), let me know.